Childbirth (child*brth) n.
You get to go through 36 hours of contractions; he gets to hold your
hand and say "focus...breathe...push..."
Clothes Dryer (kloze dri*yer) n.
An appliance designed to eat socks.
Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n.
A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half-pound bag
of peanut M&Ms.
Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n.
The last two minutes of a football game.
Exercise (ex*er*siz) v.
To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase.
Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n.
What you spend half an hour writing, then forget to take with you to
the store.
Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n.
Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate
again. See "Magician."
Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n
Similar to a black hole in space: if he goes in, he isn't coming
out anytime soon.
Lipstick (lip*stik) n
On your lips, coloring to enhance the beauty of your mouth. On
his collar, coloring only a tramp would wear...!
Park (park) v./n.
Before children, a verb meaning, "to go somewhere and neck."
After children, a noun meaning a place with a swing set and slide.
Patience (pa*shens) n.
The most important ingredient for dating, marriage and children.
See also "tranquilizers."
Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n.
Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you
try to remove it.
Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n
A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance,
but consider yourself lucky to get a card.
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