ON NYTOL (A SLEEPING AID)
Warning: may cause drowsiness.

ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE
Warning: keep out of children.

ON A STRING OF CHINESE MADE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS 
For indoor or outdoor use only.

ON THE INSTRUCTIONAL MANUAL FOR A CANON CAMERA (circa 1966) 
"Do not rattle playfully at the shutter button."


ON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR
Not to be used for the other use. 


ON SAINSBURY'S PEANUTS
Warning: contains nuts.

ON AN AMERICAN AIRLINES PACKET OF NUTS 
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(Step 3: Fly Delta.)

ON A SWEDISH CHAINSAW
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals. 

On a child's Superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

On a bottle of Palmolive Dishwashing liquid:
"Do not use on food."
(Hey, Mom, we're out of syrup! It's okay, honey -- just grab the Palmolive!)

On a bottle of ALL laundry detergent:
"Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine."
(Hey, no more swimming in the washing machine, kids.)

ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP
Directions:  Use like regular soap. 
(And that would be how...?)

ON A FROZEN DINNER AT HOME
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's *just* a suggestion.)

ON A HOTEL-PROVIDED SHOWER CAP IN A BOX 
Fits one head.

ON A PACKET OF SUN-MAID RAISINS
Why not try tossing over your favorite breakfast cereal?

ON A HAIRDRYER
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

ON A BAG OF FRITOS
You could be a winner!
No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(Evidently, the shoplifter special.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(But wouldn't this save even more time?)

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