Captain Hawley, the interstellar trader, was mad. Madder than her humanoid crew had ever seen her. In all her years of trading, nothing like this had ever happened before. First, the hypercold storage on deck nine had failed allowing the swine destined for the miners on Deneeb III to emerge from cold sleep. The little porkers were eating her out of house and starship.
Second, she had promised her young nephew a Ferdinand Feghoot doll from Earth. Unfortunately, Hawley had arrived on Earth during Winter Solstice, the peak of the shopping season. She had beamed down to mall after mall with no success. The clerks had ignored her or treated her with utter disdain.
Starship captains do not make promises lightly, and Hawley was not happy at the prospect of disappointing her favorite nephew. What could Hawley do to punish these rotten mall owners for employing nasty clerks? And how could she dispose of her swine?
"I have it," Hawley exclaimed. Turning to her Transporter Engineer, she asked, "Can the teleport mechanism be modified to handle one million female pigs?"
Captain Hawley motioned the perplexed engineer closer and whispered into his center ear. Two of his eyes widened with horror at what she was suggesting while the other two narrowed in gleeful anticipation of a cosmic joke. As the Transporter Engineer strode purposefully from the bridge, he could be heard singing, "Wreck the Malls with Sows of Hawley..."
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