God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, He asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions. Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely confidential, and that you need not disclose your name or address unless you prefer a direct response to comments or suggestions.
1. How did you find out about God?
| __ Newspaper | __ Other Book |
| __ Television | __ Divine Inspiration |
| __ Word of mouth | __ Near Death Experience |
| __ Tabloid | __ Burning Shrubbery |
| __ Bible | __ Other (specify): __________ |
| __ Torah |
2. Which model God did you acquire?
| __ Yaweh | __ Father, Son & Holy Ghost Triplet |
| __ Jehovah | __ Jesus |
| __ Allah | __ Satan |
| __ God | __ G-d |
3. Did your God come to you undamaged, with all parts in good working
order and with no obvious breakage or missing attributes?
__ Yes
__ No
If no, please describe the problems you initially encountered here:
__________________________________________
4. What factors were relevent in your decision to acquire a god? Please
check all that apply.
__ Indoctrinated by parents
__ Indoctrinated by society
__ Needed a reason to live
__ Needed focus in who to
despise
__ Imaginary friend grew
up
__ Hate to think for myself
__ Fear of death
__ Wanted to meet girls/boys
__ Wanted to piss off parents
__ Needed a day away from
work
__ Desperate need for certainty
__ Like Organ Music
__ Need to feel Morally
Superior
__ My shrubbery caught fire
and told me to do it
5. Have you ever worshipped a God before?
__ Yes
__ No
If Yes, which false god were you fooled by? Please check all that apply.
| __ Odin | __ Cthulhu |
| __ Zeus | __ The Almighty Dollar |
| __ Apollo | __ Left Wing Liberalism |
| __ Ra | __ Barney T.B.P.D. |
| __ The great Spirit | __ The Great Pumpkin |
| __ The Sun | __ Bill Clinton |
| __ The Moon | __ A burning cabbage |
| __ The Bomb | __ Other: ________________ |
6. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition to God? Please check all that apply.
| __ Tarot | __ Lottery |
| __ Astrology | __ Television |
| __ Fortune cookies | __ Ann Landers |
| __ Psychic Friends Network | __ Dianetics |
| __ Palmistry | __ Playboy and/or Playgirl |
| __ Self-help books | __ Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll |
| __ Biorythms | __ Bill Clinton |
| __ Tea Leaves | __ ESP |
| __ Mantras | __ Jimmy Swaggert |
| __ Crystals | __ Human Sacrifice |
| __ Pyramids | __ Wandering around a desert |
| __ Insurance policies | __ Burning Shrubbery |
| __ Barney T.B.P.D. | __ Other: _______________ |
| __ Barney Fife | __ None |
7. God employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve the balanced level of felt presence and blind faith. Which would you prefer (circle one)?
a. More Divine Intervention
b. Less Divine Intervention
c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right
d. Don't know...what's Divine Intervention?
8. God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and miracles. Please rate on a scale of 1 - 5 his handling of the following:
(1=unsatisfactory, 5=excellent):
a. Disasters
| flood | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
| famine | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
| earthquake | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
| war | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
| pestilence | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
| plague | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
| SPAM | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
| AOL | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
b. Miracles
| rescues | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
| spontaneous remissions | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
| stars hovering over towns | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
| crying statues | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
| water changing to wine | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
| walking on water (other than the Hudson) | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
| talking flaming shrubbery | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
| VCRs that set their own clocks | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
| Saddam Hussein still alive | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
| Cubs winning the Series | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
| Clinton's re-election | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 |
9. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving
the quality of God's services? (Attach an additional sheet if necessary):
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