January 2000
Moved to Silicon Valley for a job. My salary is 30% higher! I have stock options! The temperature outside is 65F! California is the best place on earth!!!

February
Still looking for an apartment. Freeways everywhere to take you places. Still love California.

March
Found a 1 bedroom apartment for $1900/mo. California is more expensive than I thought.

April
Gas hit $2.29/gallon. Somebody sucked gas from my car. This sucks....

May
A small earthquake. And this is what my mother was so worried about? Almost didn't feel it.

June
A forest fire and a mud slide near L.A. Who cares, this is far away from me.

July
A big earthquake...Spent 4 hours in my bathtub. Boy, that was scary. We had no stinking earthquakes where I came from.

August
Drought! They turn on the water once a day. This sucks big time! Somebody stole the water from my car's radiator. Why did I come to California again?

September
Decided to buy a house. Found a 2 br fixer-upper for $800K. Borrowed against my stock options for down payment. Kids back in school. Freeway traffic noticeably worse. Found alternative routes on city streets to save time.

October
My startup fired 90% of the work force, including me. The stock lost 98% of its value. "Under water" options my ass.

November
Had to sell my house. Couldn't make the payments. Found a studio apartment for $2300/mo. Traffic unbearable.

December
Problems with electricity starting. They turn electricity off several times a day. "Rolling Blackouts". Who the hell stole my car battery, and what do I do now?

January 2001
I'm typing this stuck in an elevator, in complete darkness. The battery of my laptop is dying. Silicon Valley is no more. Angry hordes of former dot-commers are looting in the dark. It was fun while it lasted. God bless all. Curse California. I'm going back home.


Back to Regional Humor

Back to Tina's Humor Archives main page